


Help, I'm Alive

by colazitron



Category: One Direction
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Caroline have to break up. Louis is there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help, I'm Alive

**Help, I'm Alive**

Harry could feel his fingers shake as he started the car. There was a lump in his throat and his neck was running hot like a dizzy spell. It would probably be safer to leave the car and call a cab or call Louis but what if someone had seen him? What if people knew he was at Caroline’s? And then he left his car there and took a taxi home or had Louis pick him up? At three in the afternoon! They’d be on him like hounds, asking all the wrong questions and faking sympathy while insinuating and, behind his back, insisting that they were right all along. She was too old for him. She was taking advantage of him. She wasn’t to date him.

It made him angry and it made him hurt and he couldn’t get the look on Caroline’s face out of his head. The tears she had tried to hold back as valiantly as he was now, the way she’d shuddered and closed down so she wouldn’t hurt him more with her own pain when he’d hugged her to try and take it away. He’d felt the tears drip against his shirt anyway, even though she’d tried to wipe them off before he could see them when they drew apart. She’d put on a brave smile and it was that more than anything that did him in.

He let the motor die again and raked his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. He shouldn’t be driving. But he couldn’t stand the idea of what would happen if he didn’t, so he turned the radio on and started the car back up. He swallowed against the lump and the shaking stopped a couple traffic lights later. Or maybe he was just ignoring it better. He sang along to the radio to keep his mind empty, relying on muscle memory to get back to his place.

The shaking had turned into shivers and a feverish, clammy cold all over his skin by the time he’d unlocked the front door to the flat he shared with Louis. It was quiet inside and he methodically took off his shoes and coat, taking a few steps into the room before calling out to his friend.

“Louis?”

Even to his own ears his voice sounded pathetic. If the flat was this quiet it could only mean that Louis was either napping, in the shower, or had his headphones on. He wouldn’t hear Harry.

“Lou, you home?” he called, loudly this time, his voice still not entirely up to its usual strength. He could’ve just walked further into his home and look for his flatmate, but something kept him rooted to the spot. There was no response and it dawned on him that he would have to be alone with this crap swirling around inside him. Before he knew it, his body gave a lurch and he was bent forward, lips pressed tightly together, throat closing around a sob that he didn’t want to let out yet and eyes squeezed shut as he buried his face in his hands. It was all he could do not to sink to his knees but he felt pathetic enough as it was; he couldn’t stomach the dramatics of falling to his knees mere steps into his flat all because his girlfriend and he had called it quits.

_Get a grip, Harry. It’s not the end of the world._

Oh, but did it feel like it. He wasn’t even sure what hurt the most about this. Her being the first person he’d been really serious about since... ever? That they had had to stop before they ever even really started? That the decision had been pretty much taken out of their hands? Neither of them had wanted to break up. She cared for him a lot and he was mad about her, but apparently that was the only point that no one seemed interested in. While they seemed _very_ interested in everything else.

“Fuck,” he spat, moving his hands to his hair to tug at it, trying to use the burn on his scalp as a way to hold the tears that still threatened to fall at bay. Who were they to think that they had any kind of say in the way the two of them lived their lives? What gave them the right to pry and judge and hate?

A key turning in the locked door behind him shocked him into whirling around, coming face to face with Louis, who had a completely bewildered look on his face. They stood there for a few heartbeats, staring at each other, dumbfounded, until the familiar presence proved to be too much for Harry’s emotional defences. His entire face scrunched up, eyebrows moving into a heavy frown, while his lips disappeared inside his mouth entirely, pulled over his teeth.

“Harry?” Louis asked, still entirely confused about what was going on. He stepped inside the flat and let the door fall close behind him, scooping Harry into his arms on instinct. Harry’s own arms wrapped around the smaller boy’s frame tightly, pressing his face into the junction between his shoulder and his neck like he was trying to suffocate himself. Louis tightened his hold on him, moving one hand to rest in the hair at the back of Harry’s neck.

“What happened?” he asked, desperately wanting to help, but unable to without any information. “I thought you were going to see Caroline?”

Harry merely nodded, not yet crying, but only moments from it, if the way he held his breath was any indication. A terrible thought burst through Louis’ mind and he clutched Harry closer in reflex.

“She’s not hurt, is she?”

“No,” Harry pressed out, his voice raw with unshed tears. “We... we...”

“Shh,” Louis tried to soothe, when Harry broke off and shuddered like a violent shiver had run through him. Harry took a deep, shuddery breath before finishing his sentence.

“We broke up.”

Louis felt his eyes bulge, even as he re-tightened his grip on Harry as he finally broke down and started crying. Huge, devastating sobs wracked him and all Louis could do was hold on and coo softly to him, hoping to provide some sort of safe haven, while his own mind raced. Why would they ever break up? The last time he’d checked those two were constantly flirting and giggling and texting. He’d never seen Harry happier than when he came home from a date with Caroline, his eyes sparkling and his cheeks flushed in a completely non-sex-related happiness. Well. Maybe not completely, but mostly. He adored her and it was plain to see for anyone who experienced them in the same room with each other that she adored him just as much. Of course she’d had more reservations about starting this relationship but that was only to be expected. She’d probably not thought this would ever happen to her, but she was an absolute joy and so good to Harry. Suppressing a sigh, Louis blinked himself out of his thoughts. He’d subconsciously started to sway on his feet, an imitation of how he’d used to rock his sisters in his arms when they were upset. For a while longer, neither of them said anything, Harry crying into Louis’ shoulder, while Louis kissed his hair and held him close and whispered inconsequential nonsense to him to reassure him that everything would be fine.

“Let’s go sit down, hm?” Louis suggested gently when Harry had calmed down a bit. He guided him over to the sofa and hated having to leave him there for even just a bit, but Harry’s face was smeared with tears and snot and he’d probably appreciate the tissues more. Settling down next to him with the offered pack in his hand, he watched Harry clean himself up a bit, before his hands came together in his lap, wringing each other. He looked small and defeated, his shoulders hunched down deeply, his eyes red-rimmed and his cheeks blotchy with colour. Even his lips looked raw from where he’d pressed them together. Louis carefully reached for his hands and threaded the fingers of one of his own hands through Harry’s, letting the other rest warmly on his thigh.

“What happened?” he asked. Harry swallowed in preparation to answer, his gaze flicking around the room as if looking for something to hold on to. In the end he let it fall into the space between them and mumbled his answer to the empty air.

“It was... too exhausting. We had to be so careful not to,” a sniffle, “not to be seen but someone always would and they’d always tell. You have no idea the shit she has to deal with every day just because she likes me.”

“You mean twitter?”

“Not _just_ twitter,” Harry laughed bitterly. “You know those parodies where they go ‘imagine everyone said what they tweeted to your face’? Yeah. That.”

Louis felt the surprise tug at his face because he’d never assumed that people Caroline associated with would be that stupid.

“People are jerks, Louis,” Harry spat into the air between them, his brows pulled together in anger this time. “They think it’s oh-so-funny to joke about her dropping me off at kindergarten and making Twilight imprinting remarks and you know somewhere deep down they all mean it. They’re not just joking. They think she’s a bad person just because she’s with me! It’s not fair!”

“No, it’s not,” Louis merely agreed, sensing that Harry was nowhere near done.

“I mean, what gives them the right to judge us? What fucking gives them the right to be such shitheads to her? I have done nothing but be everything the fans could possibly want from me and they take away the one person I really cared for. If anything should matter to them it’s that I’m in love with her! Not how old she is. Who even gives a fuck.”

Another burst of tears sprung from Harry’s eyes, born from anger and frustration as much as sadness this time and Louis leaned forward to hug him close again.

“You’re absolutely right, Haz,” he murmured, passing a hand up and down his back. “People are arseholes and they have absolutely no right to even know about who you date, never mind judging whether they’re good enough for you. You’re the only one who should do that. Well, and maybe your mum and me.”

Harry didn’t react to the joke, but Louis had felt compelled to try and take some of the stifling atmosphere out of the room anyway.

“Harry, you know we’re behind you in this 100%, right? I think you should’ve told them off before anyway, they didn’t deserve how nice you were still being. If I thought it did any good, I’d set up a twitcam right now and tell them what fucking idiots they’re being and that they had better stay out of your love life.”

“I know you would,” Harry mumbled, no longer crying, but still pressed close into the familiar scent that hung around Louis. “But it’s pointless. They’d just blame her for us being bitchy or whatever the hell they could come up with. I think that's really the worst part about it. There is no way I can protect her from this. There’s no way I can even stand up for myself without my words being taken from me and twisted beyond recognition. The only thing I can do is let her go and hope someone else is gonna have a clusterfuck of a relationship to take the focus off her.”

“I’m so sorry,” Louis murmured, overcome with protectiveness and rage on behalf of his best friend. Harry was one of the sweetest people he’d ever met. He always tried to make everyone feel as special as he could. Louis couldn’t believe that anyone would want to keep this boy from being happy, but evidently he was quite wrong about this. Their life didn’t make dating any easier, he knew that first hand, but he’d never had to deal with the kind of pressure Harry had to. And he was bitterly sure that if he were to date someone 15 years his senior, no one would bat an eyelash even though he wasn’t one bit more mature than Harry was. Hell, no one had jumped up to scream that Harry wasn’t old enough to make his own decisions when he’d signed a contract to be in a pop band. Or moved out from his mum to live with his irresponsible bandmate in London. Or at any of the other actually life changing decisions Harry had made over the past year. Those had all been fine with them. Then he started dating Caroline and people started throwing words like statutory rape around. People were fucking hypocrites. And stupid too.

Harry sighed against him, obviously cried out and shuffled backwards. His face was drawn and exhausted and when he tried to muster a smile for Louis in thanks, Louis was sure he would’ve done anything in that moment to make sure that Harry never had to live through something like this again. But life was cruel and Louis knew that the only thing he could do was try to deflect the harshest blows and be there to pick up the pieces when the storm was done. Or at least calming. So he smiled back reassuringly and handed Harry the tissues again.

“Go lie down for a bit. I’ll wake you for tea later and then we’ll cuddle up and watch Transformers, okay? All three parts.”

Harry choked on another breath and his eyes glistened like he was about to start to cry again, but he took a shuddery deep breath and nodded instead.

“Okay.”

Louis got up from the sofa and held out a hand for Harry to take, pulling him to his feet. For a moment they just stood there, looking at each other, before Louis pulled Harry’s head down and pressed a kiss to the messy hair piled on top of it.

“You’ll be okay,” he promised quietly.

“I know,” Harry mumbled back.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too, Lou.” Harry dropped Louis’ hand and dragged himself up the stairs into his bedroom. He thought maybe he should’ve taken a shower before lying down, to wash all the sadness off him, but he didn’t want to. Louis seemed to be fully prepared to let him wallow and he felt like he most definitely had a right to. So he just curled up under a light blanket, shut his eyes and let the soft sounds of Louis flitting about the flat soothe him into slumber.

**The End**


End file.
